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You also have to consume something called the Salt Water Flush (salt water that you drink while looking at yourself in the mirror, according to a forum on the subject) that is supposed to “help” your digestive tract. To do it, she decided to use the master cleanse, a diet first developed in the forties that involves drinking only lemonade made out of cayenne pepper, lemons, and grade B maple syrup (do NOT get grade A, in the Lord’s name) nine times a day.
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I mean, this is a woman who, in 2005, hired someone to film her for sixteen hours a day: She knows how to look good.īeyoncé was apparently inspired by Tom Hanks in Castaway when she decided to lose twenty pounds for her part in Dreamgirls. I will subject myself to Beyoncé’s daily fitness and nutritional travails. I will endure the Master Cleanse that Beyoncé endured when she lost weight for Dreamgirls I will attempt the herculean diet Beyoncé used to lose weight after birthing Blue Ivy. I have decided to do the entire range of Beyoncé’s diets. This is very refreshing, as most celebrities are always saying crazy things like, “I eat pizza but I eat it moderately.” One time Beyoncé called herself “a natural fat person, just dying to get out.” One thing I have always enjoyed about Beyoncé is that she’s very open about how hard it is to eat like she does. But would my attempting Beyoncé’s lifestyle be a hard-luck story that ultimately paid off with amazing success, like Beyoncé at the Billboard Music awards? Or just a regular hard luck story, which usually ends in failure?
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As a professional dieter, I had to do her various diets before I died. Naturally, her fitness and dieting regimens are things mere mortals can barely contemplate. She’s insanely talented, she has the best baby I’ve ever seen, and she gives performances normal people couldn’t ever do even with ten years of rehearsal time. This is the thing about Beyoncé: She is truly incredible. Then the next scene is the best performance I have ever seen a human do. She can accept defeat when she is defeated, she says. Beyoncé talks about throwing in the towel and giving up. Only one eye is shown on-camera, and the other eye is off-camera for some reason. Beyoncé has to coordinate her dancing with the digital Beyoncés, which is difficult. The special effects guys are worried about the army of digital Beyoncés they are making out of computers. At first, it looks like the whole thing is going to be a disaster. I could go on.īut my favorite part of all is when Beyoncé prepares for her performance at the 2011 Billboard Music Awards. When Beyoncé says, “Life is but a dream!” to Jay-Z and Feist is playing in the background. When Beyoncé talks to a mysterious man off-camera who is wearing glasses. There are so many parts I like: When Beyoncé brings her computer into an elevator and films herself in the elevator. I have seen Beyoncé’s HBO documentary, Life Is But a Dream, a startling number of times.